Walking down the streets, looking for angels. People passing by, looking for angels. The girl smoothing her hand over her belly wondering how she's going to tell her parents about the baby. The man fingering his wedding ring and yanking it off, trying to place how something so wonderful changed so quickly into something so nightmarish. The boy chatting with his friends, trying to act like nothing's wrong, even though he's breaking apart inside. So many people just waiting for a reason to not give up. Waiting for someone to smile, give them a word of encouragement, just give them a reason to believe that they aren't entirely worthless. You never know how much a difference you can make to someone just looking for angels. In the midst of the most painful faces angels show up in the strangest of places. What will you do to make a difference, to make a change? What will you do to help someone along the way?
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I'm finding my way back to sanity again, though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there...I'll looking past the shadows of my mind into the truth and I'm trying to identify the voices in my head. God which one's you? Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend. Somewhere along in the bitterness. I could have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life. We fall asleep only in hopes of dreaming that everything will be like it was before. But nights like this, it seems, are slowly fleeting. They disappear as reality comes crashing to the floor. I close my eyes and go back in time. I see you smiling. You're so alive. We were so young. We had no fear. We were so young. We had just begun....And life was just happening. I wouldn't trade it for anything. My souvenirs. If shame had a face, I think it would kinda look like mine. If it had a home it would be my eyes. A long day alone. Emptiness is so real. Never having peace of mind. Running from what I can't see... Familiar shadows closing in. Suffocating fear descends. I never wanted you to see the darkest part of me. I knew you'd run away...So afraid to be alone. I tried to let you go. Still I find you lost inside the darkest part of me. Who is there at the end of lonesome roads? All of us hope there's a home. I'm realizing this is making my book sound super depressing so... Take my hand. I’ll teach you to dance. I’ll spin you around, won’t let you fall down. Would you let me lead? You can step on my feet. Give it a try. It’ll be alright…Now’s our moment. Take it in, feel it all and hold it. Eyes on you, eyes on me. We’re doing this right…This is a feeling I’ve never felt but, it’s all about us. Mom, where do I even start? You are the best mom I could ever ask for. And as cliche as it sounds, it's true. I love the way you throw your head back and laugh when something strikes you as funny and how you can juggle all five of us along with schooling us and spending time with each of us individually. I've heard many people exclaim that you're a wonder woman and it's true. I don't know where we'd be without you. And especially thanks for all you've done with helping arrange my college stuff, too. I'm who I am today because of you. I would like to be even half the mom you are when I have my own family. You are a rock to all of us. Thanks especially for all the faith advice you and Dad have been giving me. You've really helped me in my journey. You're beautiful, talented, amazing and loveable among a bunch of other traits. I love you so much. Happy belated Mother's Day!
I feel prepared...mostly. There are a couple questions that confused me slightly on the practice test, but I feel okay. I can't help but wonder if I'll get a score on the Accuplacer that will surprise me. Like a how-on-earth-did-I-do-that score. But I push it out of my mind. I'll get an average score... hopefully. My dad says he'll be praying for me. Kathryn's praying. And I've prayed. 'God, don't let the questions be totally confusing, but don't make them easy or anything. Help me.'
I'm in the testing room taking the college math Accuplacer, and I'm sort of panicking. I've forgotten how to do a lot of this. My heart pounds slow and I take a deep breath and send up another prayer. It takes a while, but I finish...in about the amount of time it took to take the English comprehension, sentence structure and elementary math combined--and by the way, it doesn't feel like elementary math. I could not see a fifth grader doing that. I didn't do anything even close to that in elementary. I answer the last question and it's a stab in the dark, because I haven't the first idea what a secosine is. Using logic, I take my best guess and print the test results. "Good job on the math," the proctor says, handing me the papers. I take the scores back to a college adviser to see what the next step is. "I've never seen anyone do that before," she remarks, looking through the scores. Never? I can't help but smile, but it takes me a little longer to realize. My prayers were answered. I didn't even think this could happen. It was a fantasy that I had, nothing more. But with God isn't anything possible? I ignored the signs. Opened every door. But I couldn't find what I searched for... |
About Me!Hannah writes to satisfy her imagination. She's written six books so far--five of which need to be rewritten--and is working on a seventh. She ranges through a variety of genres, but favors contemporary YA, fixing broken characters. She wants to use her writing to change people and bring hope. She's currently going to college for Nursing and that takes up most of her writing time. She's a rather stereotypical writer, talking to imaginary friends, eavesdropping on people at the store, secretly being nosy, stashing herself away in her room with a paper and pen and chocolate and her teddy bear. She loves Jesus, the way the morning smells, her family of seven (four siblings), old movies, fairy tales, candles at night and helping people. She writes on another blog at nerdywriter.blogspot.com to hopefully build her chances of publication. My Author Site:Archives
December 2016
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